Choose the Boring Guy

The last time I fell madly, deeply in love, I got my heart badly broken. After that tragic heartbreak, I woke up to the realization that it was all wrong. I was so wrong for being so in love, wrong for holding on for too long, for not moving on, for punishing myself, for not realizing what I truly deserve. I dealt things immaturely.

It was not how love is supposed to be like.

So I promised myself that the next time I fall in love, I will try to protect my heart as much as I can. I will keep it sheltered, I will not give it whole on shallow terms and to someone who does not deserve it. And I will not give in to my feelings quickly. The next guy (who is now my husband) came at the very least expected time. Like any other love story, we started out as friends and eating buddies, to the  “getting-to-know-each-other” stage.  But unlike all my “love affairs” in the past, I did not let myself fall hard (Sorry, love. LOL). I was more careful with showing my emotions. Time and time, he’d find me confusing. I’d show the wrong signals but he’d still stick around. Once, I took him to Bohol to officially meet my parents (on their wedding anniversary). I know it took him every ounce of courage to go there, but I was so glad he did. Out of all the guys I had dated, he is the only guy who courageously and bravely went to Bohol and presented himself to my parents. I know he doesn’t like dogs, but I saw how he managed to make himself familiar with my dog Chikoy. He’d carry and play with my dog.

I saw the efforts. So that was when I decided to give it a try.

Giving it a try was the most difficult thing. For months, I had to deal with the changes. I became familiar with his personality, including the small things. Like how he’d drink water from his glass with his lower lip resting on the inner rim, or how he’d hate the rain and the colds. How we love Bon Jovi and Bradley Cooper, and all our kind of movies. How we’d order extra rice at Mang Inasal and how much he loves eating at Jo’s.

He is not the silly romantic type of guy, but you confidently know he’s going to stick around with you much longer than any other guy.

Then I learned that maybe this is how love is supposed to be like. You do not get “kilig” everytime you go out. He seldom sends you sweet texts, instead, he’d check up on you if you’re doing okay. He does not call you as often as you’d like, but when he comes home, he’d ask you how your day went. He does not promise you anything, but he includes you when he talks about future plans.

How did I know he’s the right one? Actually, I did not.

What I only realized was, when I tried to compare him with all the other guys I had dated, he is the “boring” guy. He texts without the smileys, emoticons and sweet annotations that any girlfriend would want. We seldom text each other, and when we do, it’s often school-related. This is how boring my husband is! Sometimes I’d forcefully tell him to post pictures of us on social media, but he’s not that type of guy.

I dated the boring guy.

But then I realized that the “boring” guy is the best guy to love. We text and call in a manner where we don’t have to say our I love you’s to validate our love for each other. We show it.

He does not express his love for me publicly, but I don’t get offended. Because even though he is not so good with words, he still manages to keep me feeling appreciated in every way by simply caring and doing the small, unnoticeable things. Like making sure I eat on time, and bringing home my favorite ice cream after his duty. Or telling me I look good with my dress, or giving me a peck on the cheek before he walks out the door.

Love is not supposed to make your heart beat faster and your knees shake.  It’s supposed to be calming and reassuring. And it’s supposed to make you feel safe and secured. It’s not loud. It’s calming and silent that you don’t recognize you’re in love already.

I don’t even consider him my soulmate. We are opposites in everything. We have dislikes about each other. But I know he needs me in his life (because I keep his passports and papers. LOL). No really, I know he needs me in his life because he texts me when I’m not yet home. He takes good care of me. He looks after me in everything I do. He entrusts me with his things. And I need him in my life too! I need a “Boring” guy to look after me and keep me sane when my insanity strikes, and to keep me home-based when my outgoing personality levels up.

So if there is anything I learned about REAL-ationships, its really about partnership. I consider my husband my bestfriend. Even though he’s boring (as opposed to my outgoing and overly-expressive personality), I now managed to keep him happy by joining him in doing the things he loves doing, like studying out, or home-dating and having a good movie instead of going out. I know he does not like clubbing and disco, so I’ve also learned to stop partying and drinking. He loves eating at Jo’s, so I’d go have dinner with him even though I don’t like their chicken inasal. Even if we are opposites in everything, we still try our best to keep doing the things we love. And we do it together.

He is not my competitor but my team mate. He is my mentor and adviser -the person who is with me in every decision I make. My supporter and biggest fan in everything I do. He encourages me to read more, study more and be better. He pushes me up and lifts me so we could go through life side by side, hand in hand.

He isn’t my soul mate. He isn’t my sugar-coated, horse-riding Prince Charming, nor my Edward Cullen in his shining silver volvo. He is my “boring” Erwin Francis – my husband and Dada. My scientific calculator, my walking Schwartz Book, my rock when life gets tough, my prayer warrior and my life-long bestfriend.

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  1. nillafahriza · October 24, 2015

    Reblogged this on NillaFahriza and commented:
    O.M.G This is so like youuuu! My husband, my mentor, the best partner in everything 😀


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  3. Joyce · October 28, 2015

    I agree with you that love is not supposed to make you giddy all the time; feeling secure and happy is what it gives. Like you, I am in a relationship with a man who is not i thought i would fall in love or even be interested to, but he has this amazing power to make me happy. I don’t exactly know how he does it, all I know is he is the one I want to spend my lifetime with.


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  6. John Paul Lim Gabule · November 3, 2015

    Tama, love is not finding the perfect guy but find the right guy to make your life perfect ❤


  7. Masha · November 11, 2015

    im crying….. so inspiring !


  8. Janice Tay · November 11, 2015

    Hi Mrs Intern, I enjoyed the read.
    And I can relate to what you shared about the down-to-earth nature that is attractive and charming on its own – not always boring to be mentioned 🙂


  9. Arun · November 11, 2015

    I smiled the whole time reading ur writings that there are still a real woman lives. Thank you for being a realistic woman and wife to ur guy (:


  10. stanley · November 23, 2015

    this really seems like my dad and my mother story they are totally the opposite in terms of attitude and my dad it he dull one . he is overly close minded type of father so he is the type of guy but yes somehow he did the same way like what you did and get my mother


  11. widyaxie · January 19, 2016

    My story almost similar with yours but with different ending…i used to deeply in love and got my heart badly broken, almost killed myself and need several years to get up. After that I promised myself that the next time I fall in love, I won’t fall deeply. Then i met him who called himself introvert, shy and boring guy. I agree that “Love is not supposed to make your heart beat faster and your knees shake”
    I fall in love with this ‘boring’ guy who make me feel calm and comfort but ended hurt also.
    I don’t mind with his busy work and his less talk but really don’t undertand what is in his mind coz he seldom talk bout his feeling and only talk when i asking a questions. Made me tired wondering what is in his mind
    Really don’t know how to deal with this “boring” and “intovert” guy


  12. wie46 · January 20, 2016

    my story is similar wit yours but have a different ending….i met playboy before, broken into pieces adn dying.
    then i promised to myself, next time i fall in love with “boring, quiet and shy” guy which are more secure but in the end the result also broken heart.
    it’s good u finally can find ur soulmate, so envy==


  13. Saosocheata · May 18, 2016

    Reblogged this on and commented:
    I think every girl needs to read this !!


  14. avinamdar · May 18, 2016

    This is such a sweet post ! Loved it, a real story about Love, it’s little quirks, that how it works despite the differences and that Love always wins ! Cheers 🙂


  15. Ann · July 21, 2016

    I am happy for you. You found a man who truly loves you. He may be boring but he is your fortress and one tou can stay with for a lifetime!


  16. jhoifullife · October 22, 2016

    Reblogged this on JhoiFulLife and commented:
    And sometimes, some people have the same story as yours. Funny, that they were able to write exactly how you feel. 😊


  17. Angelica Destajo ✪ · February 12, 2018

    I read this post of yours in 2015, just a few months after my first relationship ended, and it really touched my heart and stayed with me for such a long time. I remember most the part when you said that, “love is not supposed to make your heart beat faster and your knees shake. It’s supposed to be calming and reassuring. And it’s supposed to make you feel safe and secured. It’s not loud. It’s calming and silent that you don’t recognize you’re in love already.” It truly etched to my memory because you said it so perfectly, and I promised myself that the next love that would come to my life would be that exactly what you said.

    Thank you, Mrs. M, for now I have found my boring guy. I read your post once again after such a long time, and funny because some of the things you wrote were the similar things that had happened to my experience. I don’t mean to equate our experiences, it’s just that I want to express to you my gratitude for writing this very authentice post. You have touched and guided a soul in me, and for it, thank you ❤


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