The last time I fell madly, deeply in love, I got my heart badly broken. After that tragic heartbreak, I woke up to the realization that it was all wrong. I was so wrong for being so in love, wrong for holding on for too long, for not moving on, for punishing myself, for not realizing what I truly deserve. I dealt things immaturely.
It was not how love is supposed to be like.
So I promised myself that the next time I fall in love, I will try to protect my heart as much as I can. I will keep it sheltered, I will not give it whole on shallow terms and to someone who does not deserve it. And I will not give in to my feelings quickly. The next guy (who is now my husband) came at the very least expected time. Like any other love story, we started out as friends and eating buddies, to the “getting-to-know-each-other” stage. But unlike all my “love affairs” in the past, I did not let myself fall hard (Sorry, love. LOL). I was more careful with showing my emotions. Time and time, he’d find me confusing. I’d show the wrong signals but he’d still stick around. Once, I took him to Bohol to officially meet my parents (on their wedding anniversary). I know it took him every ounce of courage to go there, but I was so glad he did. Out of all the guys I had dated, he is the only guy who courageously and bravely went to Bohol and presented himself to my parents. I know he doesn’t like dogs, but I saw how he managed to make himself familiar with my dog Chikoy. He’d carry and play with my dog.
I saw the efforts. So that was when I decided to give it a try.
Giving it a try was the most difficult thing. For months, I had to deal with the changes. I became familiar with his personality, including the small things. Like how he’d drink water from his glass with his lower lip resting on the inner rim, or how he’d hate the rain and the colds. How we love Bon Jovi and Bradley Cooper, and all our kind of movies. How we’d order extra rice at Mang Inasal and how much he loves eating at Jo’s.
He is not the silly romantic type of guy, but you confidently know he’s going to stick around with you much longer than any other guy.
Then I learned that maybe this is how love is supposed to be like. You do not get “kilig” everytime you go out. He seldom sends you sweet texts, instead, he’d check up on you if you’re doing okay. He does not call you as often as you’d like, but when he comes home, he’d ask you how your day went. He does not promise you anything, but he includes you when he talks about future plans.
How did I know he’s the right one? Actually, I did not.
What I only realized was, when I tried to compare him with all the other guys I had dated, he is the “boring” guy. He texts without the smileys, emoticons and sweet annotations that any girlfriend would want. We seldom text each other, and when we do, it’s often school-related. This is how boring my husband is! Sometimes I’d forcefully tell him to post pictures of us on social media, but he’s not that type of guy.
I dated the boring guy.
But then I realized that the “boring” guy is the best guy to love. We text and call in a manner where we don’t have to say our I love you’s to validate our love for each other. We show it.
He does not express his love for me publicly, but I don’t get offended. Because even though he is not so good with words, he still manages to keep me feeling appreciated in every way by simply caring and doing the small, unnoticeable things. Like making sure I eat on time, and bringing home my favorite ice cream after his duty. Or telling me I look good with my dress, or giving me a peck on the cheek before he walks out the door.
Love is not supposed to make your heart beat faster and your knees shake. It’s supposed to be calming and reassuring. And it’s supposed to make you feel safe and secured. It’s not loud. It’s calming and silent that you don’t recognize you’re in love already.
I don’t even consider him my soulmate. We are opposites in everything. We have dislikes about each other. But I know he needs me in his life (because I keep his passports and papers. LOL). No really, I know he needs me in his life because he texts me when I’m not yet home. He takes good care of me. He looks after me in everything I do. He entrusts me with his things. And I need him in my life too! I need a “Boring” guy to look after me and keep me sane when my insanity strikes, and to keep me home-based when my outgoing personality levels up.
So if there is anything I learned about REAL-ationships, its really about partnership. I consider my husband my bestfriend. Even though he’s boring (as opposed to my outgoing and overly-expressive personality), I now managed to keep him happy by joining him in doing the things he loves doing, like studying out, or home-dating and having a good movie instead of going out. I know he does not like clubbing and disco, so I’ve also learned to stop partying and drinking. He loves eating at Jo’s, so I’d go have dinner with him even though I don’t like their chicken inasal. Even if we are opposites in everything, we still try our best to keep doing the things we love. And we do it together.
He is not my competitor but my team mate. He is my mentor and adviser -the person who is with me in every decision I make. My supporter and biggest fan in everything I do. He encourages me to read more, study more and be better. He pushes me up and lifts me so we could go through life side by side, hand in hand.
He isn’t my soul mate. He isn’t my sugar-coated, horse-riding Prince Charming, nor my Edward Cullen in his shining silver volvo. He is my “boring” Erwin Francis – my husband and Dada. My scientific calculator, my walking Schwartz Book, my rock when life gets tough, my prayer warrior and my life-long bestfriend.